The Rhythm of Listening: How Quiet Leaders Create Space to be Truly Heard

This week on the podcast, we’re continuing the Quiet Strength series by exploring the rhythm of listening - and it’s one I keep finding myself revisiting.

Not long ago, I was in a conversation with a young woman I’m mentoring. I wanted to listen well. I was asking questions. I was engaged. I was offering thoughts.

And then I realized something uncomfortable.

I was cutting her off.

Not dramatically. Not rudely. Just enough to steer the conversation toward where I thought it should go. I had already decided I knew what she needed. I was answering questions she hadn’t actually asked. I was offering advice because I was convinced I knew the ending.

Have you ever done that?

You interrupt mid-thought because you “get it.”You jump ahead because you’ve seen this before.

You start helping before the other person feels fully heard.

Yes… that was me.

I stopped. I sat back. And I actually listened.

Listening Is More Than Hearing Words

Listening isn’t just about collecting information.

It’s about creating space for someone to feel seen, understood, and valued.

For quiet leaders especially, listening is often one of our greatest strengths. We notice nuance. We care deeply. We pay attention.

But even strengths have growth edges.

One of the most helpful Enneagram insights around listening comes from understanding our communication stance - how we naturally engage with others in conversation. Each stance brings something beautiful to listening… and each has a place where listening can quietly miss the mark.

How We Listen - and Where We Can Grow

Withdrawn Stance (Types 4, 5, 9)

Withdrawn types tend to listen deeply and thoughtfully. You notice details, reflect carefully, and often ask clarifying questions to fully understand what’s being shared.

The growth edge?

Sometimes listening becomes more about gathering information than connecting to the heart. You may ask several thoughtful questions, yet still feel unsure how to step into the situation without more time.

Growth looks like trusting that presence matters more than precision. You don’t need all the details to offer empathy.

Dependent / Compliant Stance (Types 1, 2, 6)

If this is you, you likely listen attentively and sincerely. You care deeply, tune into needs, and want to respond well.

The growth edge?

Listening can quietly turn into problem-solving. You may already know how to fix the issue - and in doing so, miss nuance, emotion, or deeper meaning.

Growth looks like listening to understand before listening to help. Slowing down and reflecting back what you hear can be more powerful than offering a solution.

Assertive Stance (Types 3, 7, 8)

Assertive types bring energy and momentum into conversations. You listen quickly, engage actively, and move toward action with confidence.

The growth edge?

Speed can crowd out space. You may unintentionally rush the conversation or move to solutions before the other person feels fully heard.

Growth looks like allowing pauses, inviting more sharing, and resisting the urge to solve things too quickly.

A Gentle Invitation This Week

As you move through your conversations this week, try asking yourself one simple question afterward:

Did the other person feel heard - not just helped?

Quiet leadership doesn’t require perfect listening.

It asks for aware listening - the kind that adjusts, softens, and stays present even when it feels uncomfortable.

If you’d like to explore this rhythm more deeply, Episode 3 of the podcast is now live: The Rhythm of Listening.