Sunshine & Shadows: Why Growth Feels Uncomfortable (Enneagram Insights for Personal Development)

jilanncarlson
Aug 14
3 min read

Growth is supposed to feel good… right?

Not always.

If you’ve ever made a healthy choice and still felt unsettled afterward, you’re not broken... you’re human. And if you know your Enneagram type, you’ve probably noticed that certain “good” changes feel especially uncomfortable.

As an Enneagram coach, I see it all the time: people start doing the hard, intentional work of personal development, and instead of feeling proud, they feel awkward, anxious, or even a little angry.

Let’s talk about why that happens, and what it means for your growth.

A Personal Example: Speaking Up as a Type 9

Not long ago, I had what I like to call a “Sunshine & Shadows” moment.

It started with a simple question:

“Where should we go out to eat?”

As an Enneagram Type 9, my default is to say, “Whatever you want is fine!” because keeping the peace feels safe. But lately, I’ve been choosing to grow by speaking up.

So I did it. I offered my opinion. And then… they didn’t like my choice.

I was instantly annoyed. Then embarrassed. And honestly, I let it affect the rest of our evening.

Over dinner.

What I realized later is this: just because I spoke up doesn’t mean my choice would be chosen. Growth means I have to share my opinion and

be okay if it’s not the final decision. That’s where the discomfort came in, it rubbed against my long-held habit of avoiding anything that might lead to disagreement.

Why Growth Feels Uncomfortable

Here’s the truth: the Enneagram isn’t just about understanding what you do. It’s about seeing why it’s hard to do something different.

Your type is wired to seek a certain kind of safety, belonging, or control. When you grow, you disrupt that wiring. That’s why it can feel like you’re breaking something, even when you’re building something better.

Think of your personality like a favorite old sweater:

It’s stretched in all the right places.
It smells like home.
It’s got holes, but it’s comfortable.

Growth says, “Here, wear this new sweater instead.”

It’s nice. It’s higher quality. But it’s itchy, unfamiliar, and you’re not sure if it’s you.

From an Enneagram perspective, discomfort happens because:

Your automatic patterns resist change. Your type built these patterns to protect you from discomfort. Growth asks you to walk toward what you’ve avoided.
The reward feels delayed. Instead of immediate relief, you might feel self-doubt, awkwardness, or that internal cringe.
Your identity feels challenged. The story you’ve told yourself about “who I am” is being rewritten...and that can feel destabilizing.

How It Shows Up for Each Enneagram Type

When growth feels uncomfortable, it often looks like this:

Type 1: Speaking with grace instead of judgment might feel like lowering your standards.
Type 2: Saying “no” might feel selfish, even when it’s healthy.
Type 3: Slowing down and being authentic might feel like losing your edge.
Type 4: Practicing gratitude for what’s present might feel like betraying your depth.
Type 5: Sharing personal thoughts might feel like losing privacy and control.
Type 6: Trusting yourself might feel reckless without triple-checking.
Type 7: Sticking with one hard thing might feel like missing out.
Type 8: Choosing gentleness might feel like weakness others could exploit.
Type 9: Speaking up might feel like creating conflict or disappointing someone.

What Discomfort in Growth Really Means

If you’re wondering whether you’re “doing it wrong” because growth feels hard, here’s the good news:

You’re probably doing it right.

That tension is a sign you’re moving beyond autopilot and practicing new skills. The discomfort is simply your personality’s alarm system saying, “Hey, this isn’t our usual route.” But that’s exactly how you stretch into a fuller, healthier version of yourself.

How to Keep Growing When It’s Hard

Here are three ways to stay the course:

Name the feeling. Say, “This feels wrong because it’s new.” Naming it takes away some of its power.
Remember the why. Growth is about long-term transformation, not short-term comfort.
Practice in small steps. Build your growth muscles slowly so your system learns to trust the change.

Final Thoughts

Sunshine always comes with shadows. You can be moving toward light and still feel the weight of change.

So if you’re doing the work and it feels strange, awkward, or even a little painful — you’re not failing. You’re growing.

If you want someone to walk with you through your own Sunshine & Shadows moments, I’d love to help. Learn more about my Enneagram coaching here! Mention this blog and receive 20% off the coaching package of your choice!